Boyfriends, BFFs and Girl Crushes

I know a lot of girls who have had a long list of mediocre relationships that have ended badly, based on the fact that the man in question just didn't live up to their super-high expectations. Some small-ish flaw became a complete 'deal-breaker', and onwards he would go. I really blame the dreaded Hollywood for this; men in the movies may be flawed, but all it takes is that perfect girl to make him over into a new, perfect man. Plus it helps that they are usually ridiculously good-looking.

It's strange, because I know I've never really done this - my wonderful boyfriend, though not perfect (don't worry, he'd say the same about me!), is so many of the things I think are important - kind, motivated, funny, loyal - that no amount of clips of George Clooney being charming, or pictures of Channing Tatum with his shirt off. . . 

Ooh!

Sorry, I zoned out for a second there, where was I? Oh yes, no presentation of the perfect man could make me think that my man is in any way inadequate, or question that I want to spend my life with him. Don't get me wrong, I have high standards, but they are realistic standards, about what relationships and partnerships should really be like. I know they aren't all roses and walks on the beach, but they should be supportive, equal, allow you to be the best version of yourself.

Isn't it funny then, that when it comes to choosing my friends, I can be so incredibly picky? I've had so many so-called 'BFFs' throughout my relatively new adult life, and still, I find my friends falling short of my expectations time and time again. The messy unspoken break-up (which can be so much more messy than breaking up with a partner) is always painful and heartbreaking. I blame my list of celebrity girl-crushes; women in the media who seem to represent the ideal in terms of what I want in my friends, and who I am convinced can be found in real-person form at the next new job/club/event. 

Take the lovely Zooey Deschanel's character Jess, the New Girl of the show's title. My boyfriend was highly amused by my 'Zooey phase', where all I wanted to do was wear a heavy fringe and some geek-chic specs and dungarees. It didn't help that her character is a teacher, just like me! I was sure there was a Zooey/Jess out there for me just waiting for us to become best friends and get into hilarious scrapes together, not minding when the other screwed up, didn't call, got drunk and threw up on our favourite shoes or shouted at us, because we were best friends, and in the next scene we'd be eating ice-cream in our pyjamas together and finishing each other's sentences.

The fringe, the specs, can I be your best friend??? Please?

In real life it's not like that. If you cancel on your friend at the last minute, they're pissed at you for a week, not ten minutes. If they repeatedly get drunk, cry about a boy and then throw up on/near you and abuse you for getting them into a cab, you're sick of their drama and feel like leaving them to wander home by themselves. They aren't going to drive across the city to rescue you from a terrible party where you're stuck with your ex and his new girlfriend, and neither are you.

But guess what girlfriend, that's life. That's what real people are like! I've recently emerged from a period in my life where I was often meeting new people, making new friends and gushing over them for a while until I noticed their many flaws and decided to cool things. But you know what? I've also met some girls who have made me giggle, helped me out of a tough spot, haven't minded when I haven't picked up their call, and just generally been lovely people to be around. They aren't perfect either, but I'm trying this new thing, accepting people for exactly who they are. Let's face it, I have plenty of annoying traits too! If on the whole, they make me laugh more than they make me want to cry, I can put up with a bit of shoe-vomit every now and then.